


running after you with all i have

by Dienerys



Category: C-Pop, Mr. 钛戈 | Mr. TyGer (Band), 偶像练习生 | Idol Producer (TV), 少年之名 | We Are Young (TV 2020)
Genre: Drunken Confessions, Introspective Zhan Yu, Jealousy, M/M, Oblivious Jin Fan, Oblivious Zhan Yu, Pining, Requited Love, Slightly Sad, attempts at matchmaking, everyone else sees it, idk what to tag, soft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-02
Updated: 2020-10-02
Packaged: 2021-03-08 03:00:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,749
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26768416
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dienerys/pseuds/Dienerys
Summary: Zhan Yu has always had a soft spot for Jin Fan. But when the Cantonese boy really caught his attention, Zhan Yu knew he was screwed. Shen Bohuai isn’t making things any easier either.
Relationships: Hu Wenxuan/Lin Mo (mentioned), Kou Cong/Zuo Linjie (mentioned), Zhan Yu/Jin Fan
Kudos: 2





	1. cause i love you

**Author's Note:**

> jinfan is one of my biases and it’s criminal how underappreciated he is. piano, breaking, visuals (have you SEEN his nose?) i’m pretty sure there isn’t one unattractive member of mr tyger
> 
> anyway stan these beautiful boys pls thx

Zhan Yu sits on the ledge watching Jin Fan tease a blushing Shen Bohuai about something.

They’ve been sorted into different groups. Again.

Zhan Yu can’t think of a time on these shows where he and Jin Fan have been in the same group for a song.

He had felt slightly guilty when all members of Mr. Tyger except for Jin Fan had ended up in Everybody. But even he knew the song wasn’t one that Jin Fan was suited for.

He knows he’s being petty and irrational but he can’t help glaring at the back of Shen Bohuai’s head.

Zhan Yu hadn’t known Shen Bohuai and Jin Fan were still close even after Qing Chun You Ni. Jin Fan had never mentioned that they had stayed in contact.

It wasn’t like Jin Fan was obligated to tell Zhan Yu these things, but the fact the older trainee just never mentioned it bothers him.

“You look annoyed,” Zhen Nan drops down next to him with a shit-eating grin, “what’s bugging you?” his gaze follows Zhan Yu’s and his grin widens. “Oh”

Zhan Yu breaks his staring at Jin Fan shoving Shen Bohuai over and sitting on top of him to glare at his band mate.

Zhen Nan cackles obnoxiously.

“Oh man, this again. You’re really something Lao Niu. You finally gonna tell him you’ve been pining after him for seven years?”

“It hasn’t been seven years!” Zhan Yu defends, “more like four...”

It may have been longer, but he hadn’t realized how he felt until Jin Fan had dragged the remaining members of Mr. Tyger to his family farm in Enping.

He had seen Jin Fan surrounded by sheep and laughing as they nosed at his pockets looking for treats. Jin Fan had looked up and, like a scene from a cheesy drama, had smiled at Zhan Yu and that has been it.

It didn’t take long for Zhen Nan to figure it out and proceed with the teasing. Lin Mo had been more subtle about it, ever the mature leader, even if that maturity was only pretend.

Jiayi still didn’t know, but the poor kid is even more oblivious than Jin Fan. Everyone in Qing Chun You Ni could see how Li Wenhan seemed to be constantly around him.

Lin Mo had nearly given the other trainee the shovel talk before Jin Fan, always the mediator, had talked him out of it.

In all fairness, most of Mr. Tyger is pretty damn oblivious. It had taken Lin Mo even through the first month of We Are Young to realize Hu Wenxuan’s crush on him from Qing Chun You Ni was still there. And then another week of awkwardness as Lin Mo tried to gently (and half-heartedly because Lin Mo is constantly fighting with his own feelings) let him down. It had also taken Zhen Nan a month and a half to realize that he felt more than brotherly towards Cui Shaopeng before moving into the denial stage.

Zhan Yu glances back at where Shen Bohuai has trapped Jin Fan beneath him.

He remembers during their time in Qing Chun You Ni, they had an almost immediate connection. Both being dancers and having different styles, they were able to share tricks and moves that Zhan Yu, despite being a fairly decent dancer, had had a hard time keeping up with.

“Whatever you say,” Zhen Nan grins. Zhan Yu shoves him.

He’s walking back to his practice room the next day when he hears a familiar voice.

“Our team isn’t really a team,” he hears Jin Fan say, “it’s like, there’s a divide; me, Zaixi, Weihao and then Oscar, Boran and Er...and we can’t seem to make it work, no matter how we talk to each other”

Zhan Yu changes his route to find his friend when Shen Bohuai’s voice reaches him.

“I mean, you guys haven’t really been in a group before have you? So of course there will be some problems as you guys get used to each other”

“I guess...I just, I don’t know I just feel like Su Er doesn’t like me, but I don’t know why. We were trying to sort out lines today and Oscar suggested giving Sun Boran more parts because he had so few, then Zaixi brought up that I also didn’t have many parts and Su Er argued about it and then it became this whole thing...we finally came to an agreement of sorts but it seemed unfair”

Zhan Yu is surprised by how much Jin Fan confessed to Bohuai. Normally Jin Fan keeps these things quiet.

He can’t help the jealousy curling in his stomach.

“I don’t know,” Jin Fan sighs. “It’s just weird”

“It’ll probably get better once you guys get more used to each other,” Shen Bohuai’s voice is optimistic.

“I hope so,” Jin Fan says quietly. Zhan Yu bites his lip and turns away, ignoring the painful knot in his stomach.

It doesn’t seem like Jin Fan’s issues get any better because two days later, Zhan Yu finds Jin Fan sitting behind a wall.

It’s a fairly hidden spot; the wall comes up to Zhan Yu’s waist and is by the electrical box on the wall. The trainees hide behind it when they want to get away from cameras and staff members.

Jin Fan looks up when Zhan Yu rounds the corner, his expression clearly frustrated.

Most people would be unable to tell, but Zhan Yu knows Jin Fan’s frustrated expression; the tightness in the corners of his lips, the flatness in his dark eyes. The fact he’s hiding behind the wall.

“What’s up?” Zhan Yu asks, sitting down next to his groupmate.

Jin Fan shrugs.

Zhan Yu knows Jin Fan has been quietly bothered by something for awhile, but he’s been waiting for the older trainee to say something. Except now the frustration is visible and Zhan Yu also knows that Jin Fan is not one to talk about when things are bothering him. He keeps things to himself.

“Come on,” Zhan Yu nudges him, “what’s bothering you?”

Jin Fan picks at the skin around his thumbnail.

“It’s nothing really,” he sighs, “it’s complicated”

Zhan Yu levels a stare at Jin Fan that he knows will get the older male to tell him what’s bothering him.

“My group is complicated,” Jin Fan admits, “there’s...different opinions. We mostly get along but...” he trails off.

“But?” Zhan Yu prompts.

Jin Fan opens his mouth when footsteps sound. Zhan Yu looks up, annoyed, as Shen Bohuai finds their little hiding spot.

“I heard about what happened from Oscar,” Shen Bohuai frowns. “I wouldn’t have expected that from Su Er”

Jin Fan looks slightly exasperated but it disappears beneath his normal unreadable expression.

“It wasn’t that big a deal,” Jin Fan shrugs. Zhan Yu looks at him sharply. “Everyone has disagreements every now and then”

“He snapped at you pretty bad though didn’t he?”

Jin Fan shrugs. “We got it sorted out. It was just a misunderstanding”

At this, Zhan Yu knows it’s still bothering him. Jin Fan dislikes conflict.

Shen Bohuai doesn’t look convinced. He looks at Zhan Yu, who narrows his eyes at him. Something like confusion flickers across Bohuai’s face before being eclipsed by understanding.

Shit. Zhan Yu thinks.

“Alright,” Bohuai runs a hand through his hair, “if you need to talk, you know where to find me”

Jin Fan’s smile is tired at the edges and he waves as Shen Bohuai leaves with one last glance at Zhan Yu.

“Alright, what happened?” Zhan Yu says firmly, in a tone he knows gets Jin Fan to talk.

Jin Fan sighs and buries his face in his knees.

The entire story comes out: the initial disagreement about dance positions to Jin Fan not being able to call out Su Er directly to Jin Fan finally getting frustrated and saying what he was thinking but that resulted in Su Er storming out.

Zhan Yu can hear the frustration in Jin Fan’s voice but most importantly the hurt.

“I honestly don’t know what I did to make Su Er dislike me,” Jin Fan runs a hand through his hair, “it feels like it’s been this way from the beginning! I don’t dislike him and I never have. We talked about it later and mostly got things sorted out...but...I don’t know. We’ll see how things are tomorrow”

Zhan Yu shakes his head and wraps his arms around Jin Fan. The shorter male hesitates before shifting closer and sighing heavily.

“We’re not gonna make it are we?” Jin Fan asks, breath brushing against his collarbone.

Zhan Yu flicks him in the forehead, but he knows the answer already. The only one of them who has a chance at debuting is Lin Mo. They’re not in bad positions, at least, Zhan Yu and Zhen Nan aren’t. Jin Fan’s position is precarious.

“Hey, we made it further than last time, right?” Zhan Yu tilts his chin up. Jin Fan’s lips quirk at the corner and Zhan Yu has to tear his eyes away, back up to Jin Fan’s eyes.

To someone that doesn’t know Jin Fan his thoughts are unreadable, expression placid and never giving anything away. To Zhan Yu, he knows the secret to figuring Jin Fan out is in his eyes.

“Don’t think about that now,” Zhan Yu shakes his head, “we can worry about it later”

Jin Fan smiles genuine this time and nods.

“I wonder why Bohuai-ge left like that,” Jin Fan muses.

Zhan Yu shrugs uncomfortably and changes the subject.

“Come on, maybe a nap would be good”

Jin Fan huffs a laugh but let’s Zhan Yu pull him into his cubby for a nap.

It’s moments like this that Zhan Yu decides he likes the most; quiet moments just between them without staff or other trainees. He knows there’s a camera in the cubby, so he can’t cuddle up to Jin Fan like he normally would, but there’s still the illusion of privacy.

Jin Fan ends up falling asleep almost right away and Zhan Yu doesn’t take long after.

....

Zhan Yu watches in amazement and worry as Jin Fan is lowered down from the sky on cables.

He is not excited about this development. It actually kind of concerns him and he worries about Jin Fan getting hurt.

Fortunately, nothing goes wrong and Zhan Yu can’t stop staring at Jin Fan. He doesn’t know whether to hate the stylist jiejies or send them flowers for the shirt they put on Jin Fan.

The dance is dangerously sexy and Zhan Yu ends up glancing away every now and then, hand pressed to his mouth.

Jin Fan’s solo dance is almost as powerful as Zhang Tianci’s and Zhan Yu wonders why those two hadn’t become better friends before thinking about their personalities and realizing neither one would go out of their way to befriend the other.

Time passes too quickly in Yazipu, Zhan Yu decides. He feels like the original song stage had just ended before it was time for the final elimination before the debut lineup.

Zhan Yu knows that him and Jin Fan aren’t going to make it in. Zhen Nan might, and Lin Mo will.

Either way, Zhan Yu gets poked and prodded and prettied; makeup and hair. He’s lost weight since the last time he wore the jacket.

“You look good,” Lin Mo hums, leaning in the doorway of where Zhan Yu is tugging his jacket to try and make up for the lost weight. He steps forward and smooths Zhan Yu’s collar. “Nervous?”

Zhan Yu shrugs. He’s made his peace with everything.

He catches sight of Jin Fan fussing with the W on his collar and decides to do something. He grabs Jin Fan’s hand and pulls him to the side before they have to get on the bus.

“This is insanity,” he shakes his head at Jin Fan’s confused look. “When we get eliminated, let’s go somewhere, just you and me”

“What? Where?” Jin Fan asks, amused.

“Bungee jumping?” Zhan Yu grins. Jin Fan goes pale. “Alright, alright, no bungee jumping. Something more lowkey...Qingdao. We can visit the beaches”

Jin Fan laughs.

“Okay, let’s do it”

“Just you and me,” Zhan Yu insists. Jin Fan gives him an inquisitive look. “I want to go somewhere with just you”

Jin Fan’s expression softens and he shifts his hand in Zhan Yu’s grip, tangling their fingers together and squeezing.

“Just us then,” he says before they’re pushed away and bundled into a large bus.

“Really? Just like this?” Zhan Yu laughs when they enter the room with an envelope and podium. “We just open an envelope? Really?”

They open the envelope with their names.

Jin Fan is 26 and Zhan Yu is 16. Zhen Nan is 13, barely in the safe zone. Lin Mo is 5.

Zhan Yu can see the disappointment in Jin Fan’s eyes as they say goodbye to Zhen Nan and Lin Mo.

“So, where are we going?” Jin Fan forces a laugh, looking up at Zhan Yu as they leave the building.

Zhan Yu grins.

“Anywhere you want,” Zhan Yu says as they get back in the bus with the other eliminated trainees.

The atmosphere in the bus is low.

Kou Cong is staring out the window silently. Yuan Linqing and Chen Yichen are quietly playing some kind of game. Duan Xuyu has his eyes closed. Yang Zixin and Xue En are talking quietly with Oscar and Chen Xinhai.

Zhan Yu feels a weight on his shoulder and glances over to see the top of Jin Fan’s orange hair. It’s not common for Jin Fan to be affectionate like that. He shifts and rests his cheek against Jin Fan’s head.

He knows the older trainee is probably questioning his life path. Like Lin Mo, Jin Fan is on the older end for an idol and has had doubts about continuing.

Zhan Yu slides his fingers through Jin Fan’s on the seat between them. He feels Jin Fan squeeze his hand in return.

He looks out the window as the bus trundles back to their hotel. He can’t help the flicker of sadness and regret in his chest, but he also looks forward to their trip wherever they go.


	2. small confession

Zhan Yu and Jin Fan go back for the final episode. They’re supposed to perform the theme song as a group.

The rest of the night passes in a blur.

Zhan Yu and Jin Fan had not made it into the top fourteen and so they wait nervously for Zhen Nan and Lin Mo’s results.

The final debut slot is between Lin Ran and Lin Mo. It really could go either way.

The happiness Zhan Yu feels as Lin Mo makes the seventh spot is marred by feelings of slight bitterness and pity.

Another Tyger joining a different group and the fact he knows Lin Mo is disappointed that his rank was so low.

The live show ends and the staff are packing up, cameras turned off.

Alcohol and snacks are waiting for them at the after party and Zhan Yu watches as several trainees proceed to get drunk.

Zhan Yu lost track of time at some point after someone had thrown up on Mu Xingyuan and Zhan Yu was already slightly tipsy.

It’s a reunion party that is both happy and sad; he sees trainees who hadn’t seen each other in weeks find each other again without cameras and staff members in the room.

He watches as a drunken Qu Boyu clings to a patient Cui Shaopeng with a stupid grin and the dazed expression on Kou Cong’s face as he watches Zuo Linjie challenge Guo Zhen to a dance. Yang Chaowen has somehow managed to plaster himself to Zhan Shiwei, Chen Yichen and and Yuan Linqing all at the same time and he looks ridiculously happy to have all his favorite people back together.

He had lost sight of his Mr. Tyger members awhile back.

He had seen Hu Wenxuan trailing Lin Mo as the older trainee had disappeared. Zhan Yu knows he’s disappointed that he didn’t make it any higher. He also hopes that debuting together means that Lin Mo will finally admit to his feelings rather than trying to deny them with excuses of Hu Wenxuan being too young for him.

Zhan Yu thinks back to his adventures with Jin Fan after eliminations. They had gone to Qingdao first, then Jin Fan had convinced Zhan Yu to visit his family’s farm and in return Jin Fan had gone to Jiangxi with him.

It had been fun and had done a lot to take his mind off yet another failure and the uncertain future of Mr. Tyger.

Is Mr. Tyger even Mr. Tyger with Jiayi and Lin Mo off doing their own things now?

The thought depresses Zhan Yu and he takes another drink.

Suddenly, as if his thoughts didn’t need to be any more depressing, he sees Jin Fan giggling. Shen Bohuai is sprawled in his lap and grinning stupidly with his arm flung around Jin Fan’s shoulders as he pokes at Yang Bingzhuo who is trying to stand on one leg, looking like an especially awkward flamingo.

Seeing Jin Fan and Shen Bohuai so snuggly again pushes Zhan Yu to drink more.

“You’re stupid”

Zhan Yu looks up. Yang Zixin is standing a few feet away, hands on his hips.

“Pretty much everyone can tell how you feel except him,” Zixin gestures to Jin Fan, who has his forehead pressed against Shen Bohuai’s shoulder and looks half-asleep. Bohuai is frantically whispering something to Jin Fan. “So why haven’t you told him?”

“Because if he doesn’t feel the same, it will be awkward,” Zhan Yu admits, the alcohol making him more honest than he’d like, “we’re still in the same group, we still have to sing together and we’ve been friends for seven years...I can’t mess that up with feelings”

Zixin blinks.

“You really don’t see it,” he says in amazement, “man, I thought Kou Cong was lying when he said you didn’t know”

“Know what?” Zhan Yu furrows his brows.

Zixin huffs a sigh and gets in Zhan Yu’s face, startling the taller trainee.

“Jin Fan-ge. He likes you too”

“Eh?”

“He’s not as obvious as you obviously,” Zixin snickers, “but the way he always tries to find you in the group, if he can get away with sitting next to you he will. Have you guys ever talked about these things?”

Zhan Yu shrugs. He knew Jin Fan was similar to him in the sense that while they both preferred women, they weren’t opposed to finding other men attractive enough to date.

It wasn’t uncommon in the idol industry for same-gender idols to be in a relationship, it’s just usually kept quiet both because of the relationship restrictions on idols and the backlash they’d probably receive for dating anybody, regardless of man or woman.

What do people think will happen when you stick a bunch of very attractive and hormonal teenagers together to live, eat, train, travel and spend almost every single moment with each other?

He glances at where Jin Fan is sitting. Shen Bohuai has wandered off to curl up against Yang Bingzhuo in a corner and sleep.

Jin Fan’s dark eyes meet his and his fellow Tyger’s lips quirk up in a smile. Zhan Yu can’t help but return it.

“-Yu, Zhan Yu!”

“Eh?” Zhan Yu is pulled back by the snapping of fingers in his face. Zixin looks gleefully exasperated.

“Oh, ge, you’re hopeless,” he says bluntly, throwing his hands up in the air. “If Zuo Linjie and Kou Cong were able to sort out their shit, why aren’t you?”

Zhan Yu glances at where Zixin is pointing. Kou Cong is sitting with his back against the wall and Zuo Linjie’s head resting in his lap. Kou Cong is rhythmically combing his fingers through Linjie’s hair, eyes closed.

In the chaos of the after party it’s almost painfully wholesome and domestic and makes Zhan Yu’s chest clench painfully.

He glances over to where Jin Fan had been sitting but Jin Fan had disappeared and Zhan Yu can’t help the disappointment that crawls in his throat.

Yang Zixin gives him a long stare before being pulled away by Zhan Shiwei, who had somehow managed to briefly shake loose Yang Chaowen.

Zhan Yu stares at the drink in his hand before he feels a tug in his sleeve and he looks up to see Jin Fan standing a few inches away looking disheveled and adorable.

“Zhan Yu,” Jin Fan watches him with the sort of focus only someone intoxicated possesses; his hair is in disarray and his jacket is wrinkled. “Do you like me?”

A pause. Maybe it’s because he’s surprised by Jin Fan’s boldness. Maybe it’s because Zhan Yu is drunk or maybe it’s the fact that Jin Fan is drunk, or maybe Zhan Yu is just tired of hiding it.

“Yes,” he says softly.

Jin Fan smiles; bright and genuine.

“Good,” he says, taking Zhan Yu’s hand. “I like you too”

Zhan Yu isn’t sure if he’s dreaming, so he pulls Jin Fan into a hug.

“Bohuai has been nagging me to say something,” Jin Fan confesses into the fabric of Zhan Yu’s jacket. “He says I’m stupid”

Zhan Yu laughs.

“Well, everyone from Zixin to Zhen Nan has been telling me the same thing,” Zhan Yu murmurs. Jin Fan snorts.

“Lin Mo too,” he pulls back to look up at Zhan Yu, “but I told him that until he sorts things out with Hu Wenxuan, he has no right to talk”

“How long?” Zhan Yu brushes Jin Fan’s slightly damp hair off his face, running his thumb down the ridiculously perfect slope of Jin Fan’s nose.

Jin Fan smiles, cheeks flushed pink.

“I don’t even know,” he confesses, “years”

“Me too,” Zhan Yu responds, feeling giddy. He tightens his grip on Jin Fan. “Me too”

They’ll have a lot to talk about when they finally sober up, but for now Zhan Yu is more than content to hold onto Jin Fan.

Maybe they’ll go on another show. Maybe they’ll fade into obscurity. Maybe they’ll go onto different careers or keep making music either as Mr. Tyger or as soloists.

Their future in the industry is uncertain, but Zhan Yu knows his future with Jin Fan, and of course the rest of Mr. Tyger, is unshakeable

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i don’t love the ending but i needed to get this out there. i really want to finish my hu wenxuan/linmo fic but idk why i can’t find the motivation. send help pls


End file.
